Trend Watch … Competition

Results of our last Trend Watch post are … drum roll please … 73.3% of pastor’s wives are teachers or nurses/health care professionals or were in a “former life.” That’s a whole heck of a lot of teachers and nurses, y’all!

Now onto another trend I’ve noticed. Pastors wives and (maybe even more so) women on staff are some of the most competitive people I know.

We played a game once at a Women’s Retreat that I attended. The game was pretty rough and tumble but really fun. The last people standing were all either on staff at the church or staff wives. They were practically tackling each other. It really cracked me up.

Now, I’m pretty darn competitive. I’m not a sore loser  … but I REALLY like to win.

How about you? Competitive or not so much?

What’s Your Flavor … Pastor, Minister, Reverand, Preacher

Many moons ago we looked into the correlation between where you live and what you call a coke … or for you non-Southerners a soda or pop.

Now … onto something new. When we lived in Texas, people that worked at churches were “ministers.” Everyone just called Jud by his name, but vocationally they referred to him as a minister.

Then we moved to California where there were no ministers … instead, there were pastors. It took me a long time to get used to the new word.

So, I’m wondering where do you live, and what do the people in your area call ordained-church-worker-type-people?

Through the Eyes of … the Associate Minister’s Wife

One of the things I love about being in ministry is that no matter where we live, in the states or abroad, we are bound together by a common purpose and a common mission. That’s why I’m excited for you to meet Lucy from Southern England. Make sure to check out her blog and follow her on Twitter.

1. What is your role in leadership/ministry?

I’m married to the associate minister of a Baptist church here in the UK.  My role has been very varied during the years we’ve been here, participating in many different areas of church life at different times.

2. What is your favorite thing about your role?

At the moment I’m quite ‘behind the scenes’ as I had to withdraw from a lot of things during a bad health patch over the past few years.  (I suffer from Chronic Fatigue.)  However, this has led to me being able to participate in other, more low-key areas. What I enjoy most is using my creativity – especially using words and writing to minister to people.  Also I love being involved with and meeting so many different people from various backgrounds.  I really enjoy connecting with others.

3. What is the most challenging thing?

Having the energy!  Sometimes it’s very hard to be bright and bouncy when I’m trying to hold myself together.  I’ve learned that confidence requires energy; you need a fair degree of courage when you are ‘running on empty’. It’s also hard to know who ministers to you – it’s a struggle when you feel you need to talk without having to be careful with what you say, but feel you can’t because of your perceived high visibility role.

4. What do you wish someone had told you before you started in your area of leadership/ministry?

I’m not sure anyone could have told me.  I had to learn it (rather painfully) by myself.  We got married, moved and started church ministry all in the same year, and the impact was more than we could have ever anticipated.  We were living in a house that belonged to someone else for the first six months; it was very kind of the person to loan us their house but it was hard to make a home with someone else’s furniture and possessions.  We were there much longer than anticipated – it would certainly have been helpful to know that!

I struggled deeply in the early months trying to find my sense of identity in it all.  We had to deal with some tough issues, and one unexpected tragedy which shook the whole church, and there were plenty of aftershocks. My health problems had already flared up and I had a really dark couple of years faith-wise.  Part of this was due to a deep sense of isolation, and partly, I later realized, a desperate sense of the unfairness of it all.  It wasn’t the big things that got to me but those little unnecessary things.  They should have been so easy to prevent!!  I was so angry with God, and only realized it when I finally exploded with the strain and threw it all at him.  That was a major turning point.  At last, I was being honest and not trying to be something I was not. I discovered God in the bottom of the pit – there in the dark with me.

Most of this needed to be discovered by myself through experience; I’m not sure anything could have truly prepared me for what would happen.

5. What do you wish others knew about your specific area?

It can be lonely, especially for newly weds and those who are still struggling to find their own path in life. There are also so many things that are being dealt with – confidential matters which can’t be shared more widely, conflicts to be resolved, continually supporting those who are suffering.  And when you are married to the minister you often feel a sense of helplessness as you observe what your partner is having to cope with.

Other thoughts:

Now, on emerging from more turbulent times, I am beginning to find a quietness of heart and am focusing on developing my writing.  Having the freedom to do this is such a blessing.  God has taken such tangled threads and begun to weave them into a pattern I cannot yet distinguish, but I know it’s there.  He has given me hope.  I would really value your prayers for my husband and me as we continually seek God’s calling in our lives – and the health and strength to fulfill it.

And the Winner Is …

Release the balloons and confetti … the 5000th commenter and winner is …

Veronica Brown!

And since I’m sad I can’t give one to everyone, I can give away mine. So I used the fabulous random.org, and that winner is #19 … Joy Henderson.

So, Joy and Veronica, since we are Twitter friends, DM me your addresses, and I’ll get your prizes on the way.

For everyone else:

Thanks so much for all of your comments. We love hearing from you and getting to know you. You encourage us so much … so, thanks. And make sure to check out You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes.

You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes … the Giveaway

We are quickly approaching the 5000th comment around here. And while it isn’t quite like the millionth customer at the grocery store … still, I’m pretty sure it is prize-worthy.

The 5000th commenter will win an autographed copy of this new book for pastors’ wives by Lisa McKay called You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes. It is brand new and sure to encourage and uplift any woman in ministry. And, I’m willing to bet you get a good laugh along the way. So win or not, make sure to check out Lisa’s book. It is a must-have on your bookshelf!

There might also be a couple of extra things that sneak their way into the prize box.

So, the balloons and confetti are ready … and prizes are standing by … comment on, ladies.

Church Planting … Cheerleading

Starting a new little feature around here. Once a month my friend Jessica is going to share a little insight from her church planting experience. Jessica is one of the sweetest people I know and has one of the strongest gifts of encouragement I’ve seen. So, sit back and meet her as she introduces herself.

Poison or Fruit??

I’m a sensitive person.  As hard as I’ve tried to become thick-skinned and can wear a strong face… deep down I’m still sensitive.  However, I recently realized that as sensitive as I am to other people’s words I often don’t realize the impact my words might have on others.  I’m not careful with my words and the tone they carry.

Most of the time I view my words as neutral and forget the ability they have to build others up or to destroy them.  God desires my words to bring life.

Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit – you choose. Proverbs 18:21

I want to be aware of others’ needs and in order to do that I need to spend more time being in the moment.  Choosing to be attentive, listening, and understanding.  Viewing my words as the powerful tool they are and processing the impact they have. Just think of the power behind these words.

• I’m sorry

• You’re forgiven

• I love you

• I’m proud of you.

• You CAN do it.

• I’m glad you’re a part of this team

So what I’m asking you today is… Who has God placed in your life and what do they need to hear you say? Will your words be poison or fruit? You choose.

I Wanna Be Like This …

Sherman is one of our incredibly awesome Celebrate Recovery volunteers and leaders at Central. A few months ago, Sherman’s life changed … dramatically. But check out this smile in the midst of adversity. I want to be like Sherman. You will too after you see this video.

What’s Your Flavor … International Living

Where would you choose to live if you had to leave your current home country?

Jud and I love watching House Hunters International. We love trying to tell those people which very fabulous house they should buy in Paris, Rome, or Brazil.

Since my international traveling to date has been limited to Mexico, I am hardly qualified to answer with any real knowledge. I do know that I wouldn’t choose Tijuana.

So, with my vast knowledge from House Hunters International behind me, I think I might choose a beachy kind of place like Fiji or Belize. Love the beach and those houses were modern and beautiful. Plus, people in Fiji need Jesus too … I’m certain of it.

If you had to move out of the country, where would you go?

A Swift Kick

My 6-year-old son asked me a question about our church last week.  I told him I didn’t know.  He responded, “But mom, you’re the pastor’s wife.  You’re supposed to know everything!”  (YIKES, when did he become one of those people!)

There was a time I believed that I should know everything.  In my head I knew it was an impossible task but in my heart I wanted to fit a perfect ideal.  Not for vanity sake, but because I didn’t want to fail.  Many thoughts would pass through my mind:

• I should look more polished and not so casual.
• What if I don’t say the right thing?
• I should know more about the Bible.
• I’m not doing enough.
• They expect more from me.

The thoughts would come and I would have to make a conscious decision to dwell on them or to defeat them with what God says about me.  I wish I could say that God’s view won all of the time.  Truth be told, I am my own worst critic.  I expect things from myself that I would never expect from another.  In reality, I was placing unwarranted pressure on myself.  I was letting the devil, the ultimate deceiver, get a door into my thoughts (John 8:44).  Finally I decided to give those thoughts a swift kick and trust that God knew what he was doing when he created me and placed me in this position of ministry (Psalm 139:14, Jeremiah 29:11).

I know I’m not alone here!  Is it time for you to give some thoughts a swift kick? Thoughts like:

• They won’t think I’m pretty enough.
• I need to be more charismatic.
• I never know what to say.
• People will be let down when they really see who I am.
• I can’t help people, I don’t even have it all together.

Ladies, God created you and said you are good (Genesis 1:31).  Or, as my husband says, “You’re fine by God’s design!”  Believe what God says about you and give a big ole swift kick to those crazy thoughts.  What thoughts are you going to kick out today?