I love leadership and ministry. Truly I do. There are so many wonderful things about it: serving God, helping others, changed lives, growing spiritually, fun, and a sense of significance. It is great! But there are also some really hard things about leadership. Those things sometimes seem to consume and make me take my focus off of the joy of leading. They sometimes seem like weights that when carried quickly leave me tired, weak and worn out.
Here are some stats according Marantha Life’s Life Line for Pastors that have floated around a bit:
- 50% of all pastors’ marriages end in divorce
- 80% of seminary and Bible school graduates who enter the ministry will leave the ministry in the first five years.
- 80% of pastors’ wives wish their husbands would choose another profession. A majority of pastors wives said the most destructive thing to ever happen to their lives was the day their husband entered the ministry.
A separate study by Donna Bordelon Alder found that:
- Most pastors’ wives in her survey have had recurrent, obtrusive thoughts of escaping from the ministry in some irresponsible manner.
- 47% said the thing they disliked most about ministry was other people’s expectations of them.
- 88% of pastors’ wives have experienced periods of depression.
- Many pastors’ wives long for a female friend in whom to confide.
So why would we start this blog? I’m not sure how the stats actually play out nor do I know how true the stats actually are, but I do know that ministry is hard. (Honestly, some of the numbers seem a little high.) It is out of my own experience with these difficulties, as well as realizing that so many others were wresting with these same things, that we decided to start this community. Our hope is that this will be a place where we can encourage each other, share our personal journeys, and recapture & retain the joy of ministry. A place where we can thrive in faith, life, marriage and ministry. May we all lead … and love it!
Can you relate? What do you think of these stats? Do you find them true in your own life or in the lives of your friends?
You can connect with Brandi via 
I am all over the “47% said the thing they dislike the most about ministry was other people’s expectations of them” stat. I am not going to hold myself to other people expectations of what or who I should be- I am sticking to who I should be according to God. If people don’t like that then they can put themselves through the drama of gossip and whatever it takes their brilliant selves to get over it. I’m the one at peace knowing I am striving to please my God- not humans.
Lori…..this is AWESOME!! As someone who grew up a pastor’s child and then went on to spend my life in ministry, in many forms, I understand too well the pressures, the potential losses that can happen from burnout, as well as the joy of being part of something that changes lives. It is a slippery slope to becoming who others think we should be and forget who God created and calls us to be! I pray this site encourages those involved to be true to themselves, but also to not become bitter about those parts of ministry that can break our hearts and spirits.
Maybe I have watched High School Musical way too many times but I am excited to know that “we are all in this together!”(feel free to break into a little Troy Bolton dance right now- I am! ) We all face challenges and joy kill moments in ministry. We can let them roll down our backs like water on a duck or we can allow them to shallow us up. I know I am working on letting things roll right down my back- but still kicking hard under the water just to stay afloat at times! I am jazzed to know that together we can create “AHA moments” that will outweigh the negative. Looking forward to growing and being encouraged together.
Toni, I can relate to that stat on expectations too. Some times they can be daunting!
Kim, you crack me up! You and I are obviously in the same High School Musical / Hannah Montana stage of life with our girls.
Wow…I am so blessed by what you are doing and secretly hoping I find more comradery than I have in my life at the moment. I am definitely in the spot of needing someone to confide in! I miss my dear friend, Lori, who I got to walk beside for a short time, but loved every minute of it! I thank you for starting this and will look forward to making connections with other leaders and wives who are feeling the ‘lonely isolation’ of being on the edge in serving God.
Thanks for including me in on this. I agree with everything everyone is saying. As a church planter’s wife I definitely saw the feelings of isolation/depression among us staff wives after first moving here. We all moved so far away from family and friends that the transition was harder than we all anticipated. It is definitely better now, but as the church is growing and life is getting busier, the chance to truly connect gets harder. We have to be very intentional about getting together, or we can see each other slip back into isolation. Thanks for starting this dialogue, I think it will be very encouraging.
How exciting to begin this journey with you all. After having our third child life just seems to have gotten a whole lot crazier and this group could not have come at a better time. Where is the time to communicate with your husband??? Where is the time to get ministry done and the house work??? Oh that’s right my house is always a wreck!!! Can anyone relate??? Where is the time to have really quality time with the Lord??? What I struggle with is being a Martha and desiring to be a Mary. After teaching that lesson once again in Sunday School God finally got my attention. It’s a choice. He was like Tammy it is good to be a Martha but you have to choose to be a Mary. He wants me to choose him. So please ask me how I am doing in this area. I am such a better youth leader, mommy, wife, and friend when I have spent time at Jesus feet. Trust me those statistics that I read hit home. However, for whatever reason God has called us to this thing called leadership and I really love it even with all it’s ups and downs and things that you know behind the scenes. B/c it is so rewarding to have the AHA moments b/c they make it all worth it!! I can’t wait to hear your AHA moments and pray for you in those kill joy moments. Like Kim said “We are all in this together” Thank you Kim I will be singing that in my sleep.LOLOLO
Hey,
Thank you for the invitation. As I look around, it seems everyone is moving away from the ministry. I, too, went through 10 years of trying to live up to the expectations of others. Trying to hide the real me by playing the part.
As Nate and I planted a church in 2004, I resolved to be who God created me to be. I am living passionately finally released to be all that I desire to be. Often times I think people are disappointed with who I am, because they have come to the church with the typical pastor wife expectations. But I have come realize I would rather have others disappointed than to deny my husband, my family and myself and most importantly my God the real Rachelle.
I can also relate to those that speak of loneliness. Until I formed some true friendships outside of the church, I experienced that type of loneliness. While I have a great support system and AWESOME friends that live far away, we as women seem to need that “close in distance” friend as well.
This is an awesome place to have to vent and share. Thank you Kim for the invitation.
Lori – A fellow pastor’s wife invited me to your blog, and I’ve been reading it the past couple of weeks. I just realized tonight that my hubby went to DCC with your hubby. I’ve been in this gig for almost 10 years now and am just now beginning to realize the true importance of friendships (outside of my husband). I’m so excited to know that there are others out there like me…supporting my husband, taking care of my kids, and just trying to be the girl Jesus wants me to be. Thank you for this encouragement!