In this day of hundreds of Facebook friends and just as many Twitter followers, how many deep, meaningful, close friendships can a person really develop and maintain?
If what Donna said in the last post is true, that we can each have a “handful” of friends, how many is a handful for you?
And what does this mean in relation to our leadership? Lots of us are very outnumbered. How can we strike that balance of having lots of acquaintances/friends and continuing to develop that handful of really close friends?
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It’s unrealistic to think that one person is going to fulfill every need (in friendship) for someone else.
My handful includes a great book club with ladies that I talk with about particular things. I have a group of women that I go to the movies with on a regular basis. I have a small group of couples to do Bible study with. I am blessed to have a great friendship with my husband. And my friend, Lori, gets to hear about all of it!
I probably need to work on making a closer relationship with two or three more people and let go of some of the more superficial friendships, but that balance always seems to be a work-in-progress with me. It’s easy to be casual friends with people–much, much tougher to find and develop a close friendship.
Great thoughts Tiffani. Lori I have a group of friends who I have known for over 10 years. We all go to different churches now but when we come together its amazing. As if we were never were apart. Spent time with them this past weekend and had the best time. And not much heavy talk which sometime is good.
Then I have a group of friends who are called the dress sale buddies. We all met about 7 years ago. Use to go to a dress sale for our girls twice a year (slept overnight in a van to get dresses for our girls at a big warehouse sale). Now that the girls are older we started doing other events together and the five us have remained close.
Then their is a group of about 4 ladies (a sprinkling from each of the above groups) that are there with me through thick and thin. When we are celebrating or going through they are there…no matter what. That is the group that I can talk to about anything. And then there is my bestfriend…my husband! And he is there always!
The surprising group of friends in my life has been a group of ladies that I met via the internet. I have actually met a few of them in person. My family has become use to my online friends (even if they don’t understand it). LOL
As a matter of fact I hope to meet some of my new online friends. The Pastor wives that I never knew would hold a place in my heart. Go figure!
I really stink at maintaining friendships. The one’s that I do really good at are people that are somehow related to me and are, like, required to love me even though at times I don’t seem to return the favor too much. I really mean well! But, you know, best intentions…
A handful of REALLY close friends for me is 3 or 4. I have got to have close friends-it’s just part of who I am, so it is always a priority.
G
My friend Mary left this comment on my Facebook about this topic. I asked her if I could copy it here because it exactly sums up the way I feel about close relationships.
“A good friend of mine describes her relationships as concentric circles. This may not be new to many but there is this outer ring of aquaintences (sp?) a next ring of work and neighbor relationships,a next inner ring of maybe small group, ministry relationships and then a small inner circle of confidantes. Many people may move in and out from ring to ring in different seasons of life as those lines are fluid. Often those inner inner circle is small and time tested and trustworthy. I personally have maybe 3-4 in that ring. That’s all I can maintain and keep the intimacy. And I am thankful for them and for all of mine as they are part of my life for different reasons.”
So, Gretchen I agree. My closest circle of friends is a very small number.
Just wanted to share Mary’s really good thought.
I loved Mary’s discription and I think it’s very true for my life. I have many good friends, people that we do things with, hang out and trust. But there is only one person that I feel 100% totally relaxed with. She is the only person that I don’t feel like I have to edit anything. I don’t have to think about what I say and how I say it with her. We can laugh at the most random things and we always seem to be on the same wave length. We were next door neighbors for 10 years. The only thing that stinks now is that she’s in Nevada and I’m in Michigan.
we might end up depending on our children to fill that need for close friendships if we don’t cultivate it with other adult women. That isn’t healthy for either of us. We may be afraid to set boundaries with them out of fear of hurting our only close friend. I wish I could say I was smart enough to think of this on my own, but I had read it in a parenting book.