It’s my second week at Leading and Loving It and I decided to jump right in and tackle a topic that’s not fun… misery!
Let’s be honest, sometimes misery visits ministry. I remember hearing Beth Moore speak last year and she said…
Ministry was meant to be hard. We were meant to suffer for the sake of the gospel.
There will be times that are tough, there will be days you never want to relive and mornings you just want to stay in bed. Here’s what I think is most important… how do you respond when misery visits ministry? Beth gave two scenarios: Repression or Rebellion.
Those who know me well know I’m a total repressor… in fact, I don’t think there’s a rebellious bone in my body! But when times get tough and ministry gets hard, I repress. I stuff down the pain, I question my discernment, and I allow myself to be filled with guilt.
And for those rebels out there… well, Beth said it best when she said, “Repression will make you sick, Rebellion will make you stupid.” 
So if you’re purposely going against the grain, walking the path of defiance, or you resist for the sake of resisting be aware you can be doing yourself a dangerous injustice as well.
How do you respond when the going gets tough… do you practice Repression or Rebellion?
You can connect with Brandi via 
I “practice” both. Probably better at the repression than the rebellion, guess it just depends on what misery I am fighting.
I am like you…not rebellious
But, I am also not a stuffer.
I have learned in my life that I must feel the hard times in order to press through them and grow from them. People often want to either ignore them or wallow in them. I’ve done both and the outcome was not desirable either way.
So, I give myself the freedom to feel the pain, the discouragement, the sadness when hard times come. I don’t “live there” but I do allow myself to cry when I need to and then when the pain subsides just a bit, I ask God the all-important question: “What do you want me to learn from this?”
Ministry…it is a great classroom!
There was a point in one of our churches where I was asked to stop doing something by our pastor that I knew God wanted me to do.
It was a strange position to be in and I felt the OK from God to follow that leadership. However, it came with a cost. Some of the leadership knew about it and it only confirmed some things about this Pastor. Honestly, that was a good thing.
So, I had some options: rebell, or submit.
I chose to submit. It was wrong what he was doing, but at the time my quiet submission (ranting to God) was part of an uncovering of character.
It also showed me that we can’t always say what we think is wrong and tell the world about it. I didn’t rebell and I knew that it was absolutely right for me to just hold my tongue.
In the end, I had no regret for gossip or bitterness and the issues with my Pastor came to light in other areas.
Listen to the voice of God and you will go far. It might be difficult, but well worth it.
I too am a total repressor.
I can honestly say that I do both……
As a girl who hates confrontation — I publically REPRESS it all.
PRIVATELY though I rebel against those people who cause me hurt. I say all the things I wish I could say in my head.
Som here is the question I have though. Did she say what we should do instead? Since obviously neither repressing nor rebelling is correct — what do we do?
THANKS for sharing this!
in HIM -
Mindy
I’m a stuffer until it all comes out in one, big, overflowing mess.
I blogged about this awhile ago. I am definitely a rebel. When things get tough or I feel out of my element and it starts to take a toll on my family life etc….I rebel. Literally I dig my heels into the ground and I won’t move. There is a special word for people like me. But I won’t say it.
But you are right. It does make you stupid. You do stupid things, think stupid things and say stupid things. You forget to go to GOD with the hard times…thinking He can’t understand or heck handle it.
Great post Brandi.
I have a mix of both.
I repress in order to avoid confrontation in ministry, but I stew and eventually that errupts into rebelling.
I am trying to move to a place where I neither repress nor rebel. To help myself respond positively, I write down everything that’s causing me misery, organize my thoughts, and (if necessary) talk to the person(s) that are involved. Sometimes, by simply journalling, I can move past it.
I have several situations right now, where I’m trying to respond in a positve light (rather than repressing or rebelling). It’s very difficult being the wife of someone in ministry, but I think everyone here knows that.
Unfortunately I am the queen of repression. Not something to be proud of. But the thought of rebellion makes be stuff those feelings a little deeper.
If I don’t choose to let Jesus be in control of the situation, I land on the rebel side of things. It’s really not cute. I just heard a couple of weeks ago at the STORY conference from Ed Young that ministry is “brutiful”…what a great word! The brutal hard stuff of ministry mixed with the beautiful. Walking through some tough situations right now and just today when experiencing a whole lot of brutal, I decided to focus on what is beautiful and thank God for those things. People’s lives getting changed by the power of the Gospel never gets old and I get to see it from the front seat! That along with writing a few encouraging emails to people that are stepping up in their own walks with God and serving with their whole hearts helped me get a God’s eye view of things…the brutal didn’t seem as bad after that.
I have a little bit of both and I have made myself feel sick at times and looked stupid at others. I am learning.
In relationships, I’m a repressor. In my work, rebellion!!
I love Heather’s idea of reaching out to others when we’re inside of misery. Encouraging someone else always gets my heart back on track–reminds me that my problems are small.
I must be kin to Lori. I tend to feel very guilty, wonder what I could have done differently and go to great lengths to fix everything. I tend to isolate myself during these times. I’ve thought about this alot and think it’s because I fear what I will say to others and perhaps I fear others might share the complaint. (if that’s the issue) So many things in ministry cannot be shared – for the sake of others and the church – that it can isolate you.
But eventually, if someone pushes me over and over, or is ugly over and over, I will blow or I will walk away for good. When I reach my limit it’s over.
I think I do both – but like someone said above, I rebel privately but repress til I bust :/ But,I can’t repress for long, because I typically wear my emotions on my sleeve… I’m not good at fakin it, which may or may not be a good thing…
I repress it in public, definitely. And I pray prayers of imprecation and destruction on them in private.
Can’t wait for the roundtable, for this very reason.
I think my tendency is to repress.
Several months ago, I found myself sobbing — the whole snot down to your toes, soaked shirt, hysterical thing. And do you know that it’s the first time I remember ever crying when I also wasn’t hormonal?! I’m 42! So I think you can guess that I’m a represser … but getting better at just feeling the feelings. I need a lot of time to process what’s going on, so I repress until I can get it all laid out — what I’m feeling, the root of where it’s coming from. But that also means that sometimes I miss just laying it out straight. Rebellion in my younger days seemed so cool, but not really my style.
The going really never gets that tough for me.
Oh shoot!
I’m in denial!
@Jenn LOL… maybe denial is the best path!
A repressor by nature. I bottle it all in and then when it comes out, it comes out ( I literally breakdown and fall apart). I agree about it making you sick. I have high blood pressure. Also before Marc became pastor at WABC we went through a really tough process at our old church. I didn’t realize until after Marc was turned down for leadership there how long I had been repressing my feelings (of course now I realize that God had other plans for our life). That was until my hair started breaking off. Since then I have tried to let a little out at a time and I think I’m starting to move towards a rebel. But its not easy. I’m also working on patience.
At heart I am a rebel and love confrontation. BUT that is not acceptable, desirable or God honoring – especially as a pastor’s wife. I almost never get to have an opinion on anything church-related. I’m still working on how to not repress as it currently just turning into venting to my hubby – which is better than other options, but still not great for him!
Rebel, plain and simple.
I’m keen to practice that which will not break God’s opportunity to teach me His lessons.This is the way I consider such moments-as God’s crucibles in my refination.